Dear Bi Men: A Black Man's Perspective on Power, Consent, Breaking Down Binaries, and Combating Erasure (Paperback)

Dear Bi Men: A Black Man's Perspective on Power, Consent, Breaking Down Binaries, and Combating Erasure By J.R. Yussuf Cover Image
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An unapologetic guide for readers who are Black, masc, and bi—unlearning biphobia, coming out, combatting erasure, and embodying your whole self

Through cutting social analysis, personal stories, and need-to-know advice, Dear Bi Men reclaims bi+ visibility in a culture of erasure—and unapologetically centers Blackness in a practical and deeply researched guide to navigating life, work, and relationships as a Black bi+ man.

Popular representation of bi and pansexual men is growing, but we’re not there yet: It’s mostly white. It collapses bisexual identity into tired, hypersexualized tropes. And it fails to interrogate the deeply entrenched stereotypes that insist: You’re confused. You just don’t know you’re gay. You’re greedy. You must be great in bed.

Author, peer counselor, and creator of #bisexualmenspeak J.R. Yussuf pushes back against these stigmas and misconceptions, exploring how white supremacy reinforces biphobia and dictates what society thinks it means to “be a man.” He contextualizes discourse around queerness and bisexuality within a larger framework that honors readers’ intersecting identities. And he offers deeply practical advice, sharing how to:

  • Unlearn internalized biphobia and homophobia
  • Navigate an increasingly hostile digital landscape
  • Think about coming out: who to tell, why to tell them, and how to do it
  • Fight back against erasure and stigma
  • Navigate sex, dating, partnerships, marriage, friendship, and work
  • Understand your bi+ sexuality through a political lens
  • Process Black bi+ representation

Rich with personal narratives, insightful analysis, and practical advice, this book is a powerful resource for Black bi+ men to reclaim their identity, counter biphobia, and get empowered—and an offering to all readers looking to fight back against the erasure and dehumanization wrought by patriarchy.

About the Author

J.R. Yussuf is the award-winning author of The Other F Word: Forgiveness and creator of the hashtag #BisexualMenSpeak for bisexual+ men and masculine-identified folks to have the space to speak for themselves and talk about how being bisexual+ impacts the way they move through the world. Yussuf maintains a podcast called Let’s Heal Already, revolving around mental wellness, self-improvement, and emotional literacy. Yussuf secured a peer support certification from the Black Emotional and Mental Health Collective (B.E.A.M.) and has used his training to support countless Black bisexual/pansexual men. Yussuf’s writing has appeared in Men’s Health Magazine, Thrive Global, Black Youth Project, Queerty, Queer Majority, Positively Positive, The Good Men Project, Escarp, Instigatorzine, and The CultureLP.

Praise For…

“Raw and unflinching, Dear Bi Men is a must read for those navigating their identity.

J.R. Yussuf doesn’t shy away from sharing his personal journey of coming to terms with his bisexuality. Through his own experiences navigating religion, race, and gender expectations, Yussuf deconstructs society and the harm it causes to bisexual men and other marginalized people.

More than this, Yussuf utilizes the wisdom he has learned through his journey, as well as his years of research and activism, to impart incredibly useful advice to those who are questioning or struggling with their bisexuality.

Dear Bi Men is a vital lifeline that every bi man needs on their bookshelf.”
— Vaneet Mehta, author of Bisexual Men Exist

“Bi activist and writer J.R. Yussuf brings a thorough, thoughtful analysis to bear on his unique and enlightened perspective, combining epistolary and journal formats as entry points for his personal dialog with the reader.

The arena for bi men’s voices to be raised and heard must be built on a solid platform of intense self-examination and honest acknowledgment of all aspects of one’s male bisexuality. For far too long, immense societal forces have not allowed stories like J.R.’s (and mine) to be told. The way things were, however, is not how they exist now or how they should be. This book shines with an informed and articulate perspective that will speak to many men and others.

Perhaps the best endorsement I can offer is that listening to his authentic and loving voice restores my belief that bisexual men’s stories must be told. His book informs and reaffirms my bisexual nature.”
— Ron Suresha, editor of Bi Men: Coming Out and Bisexual Perspectives on the Life and Work of Alfred C. Kinsey

“This is a searing and soaring contribution to the development of men who have long existed in the shadows of our time. Understanding the mental health and socio-emotional impacts of being bi+ is an encouraging step forward to becoming a fully integrated and powerful society that will accept, encourage, and protect the most vulnerable men from harm, persecution and exclusion.

Navigating from margins to center, we can expect Dear Bi Men to be the book that pushes society toward greater understanding of human sexuality, while giving bi+ men the resources to advocate for themselves. A book worth buying if only for the personal learning journey you are bound to embark on.”
— Alex Holmes, author of Time to Talk: How Men Think About Love, Belonging and Connection

“A must-read for anyone seeking to understand the rich diversity of the bisexual heart.

This is a how-to book for deconstructing internalized biphobia. Yussuf enriches personal stories with much-needed bi+ education.

This book is an antidote to society’s biphobia. It seeks to build a more inclusive vision of manhood through practical coping skills and a future where hearts can love freely.

Importantly, Yussuf deconstructs colonial mindsets and shows how stereotypes about bi black men are deeply rooted in white supremacy. An important addition to the queer conversation.”
— Dr. Julia Shaw, author of Bi: The Hidden Culture, History, and Science of Bisexuality
Product Details
ISBN: 9781623179687
ISBN-10: 1623179688
Publisher: North Atlantic Books
Publication Date: April 16th, 2024
Pages: 320
Language: English